Dec. 29th, 2014

ARASHI

Dec. 29th, 2014 06:34 pm
ohmiyatrash: (Default)
I HATE THIS KIND OF FEELING.

The feeling like I still love Arashi. I love Arashi very much. but right now I feel like the interest on them is kinda disappearing little by little. I hate this feeling cause I still love them. but the love for them is kinda disappearing. its kinda complicated feeling. its hard for me to explain it.

Its start when my beloved HD contain ALL about Arashi is broken. It totally broken. I've gone to pro but they say nothing can be done anymore. (it seems like in movie in hospital the doctors say somebody has gone. lol. what am i thinking). Then, I going through last sem of my final year as degree student. it really a busy and struggling moment for me. I used to have kinda time about 2/3hours for my fandom life a day. that moment I think I only spend about 30min. I spend it when I having a dinner in my room. and as I remember during that time I spend that 30min of fandom moment just for watching one piece. I rarely watch Arashi. I only watch them watch them when I feel I missing something. basically I spend it on weekend when I'm at home. Then, my FYP (thesis) is done. then exam start. before the exam start there's screening for LOVE concert that MEAT organized. I watch it I feel like I not watching Arashi for long time. Haha. Maybe I used to watch them everyday. Then, after exam is done. I go straight to internship without any break. everyday like I woke up on 6.10am. Go out for work 7.00am. send mom to work. dad go to punch card. then, dad send me to work. I reach office everyday about one hour early. I start on 8.30am. then leave about 5.30pm. reach home about 6.00pm. almost 12hours I just spend my day for work. I feels lifeless. Idk. I always feel like when I work. I always feel like this. cause I only had about 12hours for myself. minus 8 hours of sleep. I only had 4 hours for myself. then I finish my internship. I had 1 month break. during this time. I also rarely watched Arashi. eventhough I totally had 24hours to do so. the feeling start to disappearing.... but when I work as substitute teacher. I somehow had some time for my fandom. cause I finish work around 2-2.30pm. reach home sleep. night is the time for my fandom. it just that the last 2 weeks is really really hectic. I hate this time.

from the day I finish contract become substitute teacher. I spend 3 weeks almost 4 weeks for One Piece. 1 week for Jdrama. and now for Jmovies. I intend to finish watch all of this before this feeling start to disappear totally. (it have been 7weeks I've become jobless). I rarely watch Arashi.

Maybe people around who is Arashian, most of them feel like leaving this fandom. This also kinda make me sad. Cause we used to talk about Arashi very passionately. But now, we still meeting each other. but the feeling is different. But I still love how we become friends cause we love Arashi. and we still remain as friends tho the other people already had no interest in Arashi anymore. But of course there's certain things that they still like that we can still talk about it. Maybe because of them are leaving I feel like leaving too. even MEAT is done. MEAT start in 2011. around the time I just finish my matriculation.. many things have change since then...

Its feel like I once really tresure this feeling. idk. the love I had for them is something special. when the feeling is disappearing is seems like I'm gonna lost something precious in my life. its really made me frustating. I really hate this feeling. I really hate it. it really hard for me to throw this feeling. I really want to tresure this feeling but I feel so frustating it make me want to throw it.

You could say that I kinda type of don't want to change. I refuse to change. even I've become 22. I still refuse to be adult. I still want to be kids. even my outfit too.

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ohmiyatrash

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